Faith for the Impossible

After working with victims of abuse for over twenty two years, one thing has become clear to me. Those with faith do so much better on the road to recovery than those without it. Perhaps you’re thinking there’s no way to have faith after you’ve been beaten down and told how worthless you are, or when you’ve been in an impossible situation with no power to change anything. Yet, scripture is filled with stories of impossible situations that turned around.

This morning 2 of those stories came to my mind. Actually, this verse came to mind: “Certainly there were many needy widows in Israel in Elijah’s time, when the heavens were closed for three and a half years, and a severe famine devastated the land. Yet Elijah was not sent to any of them. He was sent instead to a foreigner—a widow of Zarephath in the land of Sidon. And many in Israel had leprosy in the time of the prophet Elisha, but the only one healed was Naaman, a Syrian.” Luke‬ ‭4:25-27

Do you remember these stories? Neither of the people Jesus mentioned had great faith— they just acted on what little faith they did have. The widow shared what she thought would be her last meal with the prophet, and Naaman reluctantly dipped himself in the muddy Jordan River seven times. The actions alone would not have resulted in miracles, but they both acted on the tiny bit of faith they had. They weren’t anything special. In fact, as Jesus pointed out, neither of them were Israelites (God’s chosen people), but as they matched their hope in God with action, God met them and overcame the impossible.

Are you facing an impossible situation today? Is there a glimmer of hope somewhere deep inside that God could work if you took a step in the right direction? If so, I encourage you to act on that hope. Don’t be foolish— make a plan (Prov. 15:22)— seek out wise and informed counsel (Prov. 19:20), but don’t let fear keep you stuck. God shows up for who act in spite of fear— the ones who choose to walk ahead holding on to that tiny mustard seed of faith. Faith isn’t a lack of fear, it’s moving ahead in spite of it, and putting your hope in the One who is bigger than the impossible.

💗Joy

Feeling Frantic?

Do you ever feel frantic? I know I do, and I’ve learned it is a sure sign that rather than trusting God, I am seeking control. Basically, it boils down to idolatry. Idols are the things we run to for comfort so that we can keep things from getting out of hand.  Yet, from time to time, in spite of all we do, things do spin out of our control. As people of God, those times are wake up calls to help us realize only he is sovereign over everything, and our efforts are feeble. They are an illusion, because in reality, we have control over very little. The One who holds everything together could allow it to fall apart at any time, but because of his grace, he sustains us. He is good, so he can be trusted. And trusting him leads to joy (being blessed), while trusting in flesh (self and other shallow substitutes) leads to misery or being cursed. The choice is clear.

This is what the LORD says: “Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who draws strength from mere flesh and whose heart turns away from the LORD. That person will be like a bush in the wastelands; they will not see prosperity when it comes. They will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives. “But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? “I the LORD search the heart and examine the mind, to reward each person according to their conduct, according to what their deeds deserve.” Jer. 17:5-10

Jeremiah’s task as a young prophet was to proclaim God’s coming judgment against his people, because they had forsaken him and turned to idols. Yet, even in judgment, he was offering hope to those who would chose to trust him. It’s interesting to me that while much of Jeremiah’s warnings against the people are related to sins of commission and omission, this passage seems to get to the heart behind those sins. It’s all a matter of trust. The blatant sins were idolatry and failing to honor the Sabbath, but at the root of those sins was a lack of trust in God. As God’s people we are supposed to be different. The tendency of human flesh is to trust in self or others that we can see and touch. It it not in our nature to trust an unseen God. We want to be in control. We can control flesh, but we cannot control the unseen. It seems unnatural for flesh to trust in supernatural, but that is what God calls us to do, and if we don’t, there are consequences.

To be cursed means to be miserable, as opposed to being blessed or happy. Trusting him results in something else that is unseen—our roots are firmly established. They develop deep and tap into the fountains of living water. Being tapped into those streams of living water is the key to blessing. This is not based on activity, but trust. Trust stands still and waits. It does not feel the need for control, and it is never frantic. When we realize we have no control, and that the One who does have it is good, and wants the best for us, we can choose the blessing of trusting him.

Oh Lord, help us to trust you rather than frantically strive for control. We know you are good, and you can be trusted, but sometimes we are afraid anyway. Help us to be still and know you are God and that your love for us is everlasting. We can trust in One who loves us that much. So even though circumstances and things in this seen world try to move us, we will not be moved. We will be like trees planted by streams of living waters and have no need to fear. We choose to believe you. Amen

 

Living in Dread…

I often tell people that whatever we fear is what we serve, so that the object of our fear basically becomes our god. This morning a passage in Isaiah reminded me of that truth.

“Whom have you so dreaded and feared that you have been false to me, and have neither remembered me nor pondered this in your hearts? Is it not because I have long been silent that you do not fear me?  I will expose your righteousness and your works, and they will not benefit you. When you cry out for help, let your collection [of idols] save you! The wind will carry all of them off, a mere breath will blow them away. But the man who makes me his refuge will inherit the land and possess my holy mountain.” (Is.57:11-13).

“Whom have you so dreaded and feared that you have been false to me…” I’m not sure how much more clear that could be! At the heart of being unfaithful to God is usually a fear of something else (no matter what that something else is, I’d call it an idol). An idol is anything we meditate on, and spend our time trying to appease. For years, I did the dance of fear trying to keep an abusive husband happy so he wouldn’t lash out. I feared him much more than God, and the result was I served him rather than God. In fact, he became my god, because of the way I served him.

Another interesting thing about this passage is “I will expose your righteousness and your works…” Very often people do good works out of fear—they worry what people think and are trying to impress them rather than God. This fear of man is idolatry of the worst sort. It becomes works-based rather than love-based. God does not desire our feeble efforts; he desires our love. From that love, genuine works of righteousness will flow naturally. The ones born of fear of man are wood, hay, and stubble mentioned by Paul in 1 Cor. 3. These works may look wonderful to people, but they cannot stand before the Judge.

This passage should be a wake up call to the people of God. The warning here is not based on actions, but on misplaced fear. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and when we are more worried about pleasing him than people or unpleasant circumstances, that is wisdom. Then we will be like the man who built his house upon the rock in in Matthew 7:24-25. No matter what life brings our way, we can overcome because we know the One we fear is in control and his love casts out sinful fear. We can stand firm knowing he is in charge. Sinful fear dreads losing control, and that is why the Israelites sacrificed to idols. They believed that appeasing them would make things run smoothly, and that if they didn’t sacrifice things would go badly. When we live in fear of man, we have a similar mentality. “If I can just…” everything will be ok. We’re trying to maintain control. Yet, the Lord calls us to leave the control in his hands. That is what the fear of the Lord does. It trusts in his goodness for the outcome, and we have nothing to dread.

Lord, help me never dread anything more than I desire to love and please you. Help me to avoid the trap of misplaced fear. Nothing on this earth is more powerful than you, so I need to reserve my fear for you alone. Yet, it is a different sort of fear than dread. It is honoring you above anything else, and resting in your control rather than trying to be in control. You are worthy of all honor and praise. Nothing on earth can ever cause me to be consumed with fear as long as I am consumed with you. Amen

God Uses the Reluctant

I love the story of Gideon. It amazes me that God was so patient with him. Like Moses he argued with God about his calling. Like Moses he saw only his limitations, but God proclaimed who he would be. We see things according to human limitations, God sees the limitless possibilities when we put our trust in him and walk in his Spirit. Gideon would question and test God numerous times before he became willing to step into the spiritual realities God pronounced over him. I love the following account in Judges 6. Gideon was sure the Lord had abandoned his people, but God…

And the angel of the Lord appeared to him and said to him, “The Lord is with you, O mighty man of valor. “ And Gideon said to him “Please sir if the Lord is with us, why then has all this happened to us? And where are all his wonderful deeds that our fathers recounted to us, saying, ’Did not the Lord bring us up from Egypt?’ But now the Lord has forsaken us and given us into the hand of Midian.” And the Lord turned to him and said, “Go in this might of yours and save Israel from the hand of Midian; do not I send you? And he said to him, “Please, Lord, how can I save Israel? Behold my clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my father’s house.” And the Lord said to him, “But I will be with you and you shall strike the Midianites as one man” (Ju. 6:12-16).

The Israelites were being oppressed by Midian because of their sin. The Midianites swarmed in against them and stripped the land like locusts every harvest season. Everything the children of Israel had worked for was stolen when they came. After seven years in this pattern scripture says that “Israel was brought very low… and the people of Israel cried out for help to the Lord.” It was basically the Lord’s compassion that answered, because nothing here says the people repented. They were just brought very low, and God had mercy. When he answers prayers it is rarely because of our worthiness. It’s more about him than us. When he answers, he comes in and empowers weak and reluctant people. Gideon remained reluctant until God showed up and proved himself to him. God did not say, “Go read the scripture, examine your sin, find my promises, and walk in obedience.” Instead, he answered every one of Gideon’s fear-based prayers, and he proclaimed something over Gideon that seemed completely removed from reality.

Reality was harsh. The enemy was devouring God’s people. The Israelites were hiding out in caves to escape with their lives. They were basically working for nothing, because everything they produced was stolen. The enemy was stronger that they were, yet God would not let them remain in defeat. When they cried out for help, he was faithful to answer, and to find a reluctant hero to lead the charge against the enemy. First he had to convince Gideon to take on the job, and of course that required answering his doubts and fears. Even after God answered, Gideon obeyed by tearing down the altar of Baal, but he was so afraid of his own family he did it at night. As God continued to prove himself to Gideon he soon began to live up to the angel’s description “mighty man of valor.” Before it was all over, God tested Gideon by reducing his troop size from 32,000 to 300. By this point, God had proven himself to Gideon, and he obeyed in spite of circumstances. It made no sense for a band of 300 to rise up against a huge army, but Gideon did it, because he had learned God was faithful.

This account is beautiful, because it shows me that God uses reluctant, weak people. It shows me that there are no limits with God—all things are possible. It shows me that as long as I am walking with him and willing, he will empower me in his strength. I can express my doubts and fears as long as I don’t run away. I need to wait and watch for his answer. God comes to the aid of the weak. He answers prayer, and he gives his power to the powerless. His reality seems far removed from circumstances and human logic, but nothing is more real! The One who created the universe can certainly turn a reluctant weakling into a mighty man of valor, as long as the man is willing.

Father, we face many impossible looking circumstances right now.  We ask you to show yourself to us, and answer our doubts even as you did for Gideon, because Lord you have great compassion on your children who are being downtrodden by the enemy. This is not about us, but about you, and we are willing to go and do whatever you call us to do. Regardless of our doubts, we will not run away in fear. Instead, we will be your mighty men and women of valor in spite of ourselves, because you will be with us. We will look to you rather than circumstances. We love and trust you. Amen

 

 

Choosing Joy, Refusing Fear

I sought the LORD, and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears.Those who look to Him are radiant with joy; their faces will never be ashamed. (Ps. 34:4-5)

 Oh how true this has been in my life! When I sought answers and relief from my troubles, my fears only increased, but when it became clear that all my solutions had failed, there was nothing left to do but seek him. As I found comfort in his love and care, my fears diminished. His perfect love truly does eliminate fear (1 Jn. 4:18). In time, I learned to refuse fear and seek him instead. Now fear no longer controls me, nor does it urge me to try to control everything around me. When I lived in fear, I lived with shame. Everything was hidden. I did not want people to know the truth about our lives, so we kept secrets. I was ashamed that our family was so damaged, and I could not fix it. But when the light came shining in to expose the dead bones behind the façade, the shame was exposed to the world. My response was to seek God. Everything else, and I mean everything, had failed. I always say it was a terrible and wonderful place to be. It was terrible, because all my secrets were exposed, and because I was being betrayed by the person who had become my idol. It was wonderful, because the idol toppled, and there was nothing left but God. He was and ever shall be enough! His love brought me through, and used the trauma for good. Knowing his amazing love does eliminate fear, because we know he’s got us and that he will redeem whatever we experience. Hallelujah! That is cause for great joy!

Lord, remind me daily that I never need to fear as long as I am looking to you. There is nothing on earth that should cause me to live in fear, because you have it all in your loving hands. I bless your name, and trust you. What a joy it is to be your child. I pray I will radiate your great love to others. Amen

 

I’m CONFIDENT!!

Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then I will be confident. (Ps.27:3) I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. (Ps. 27:13)

The world teaches us that if we believe in ourselves we can do anything, but I have to say that my self-confidence levels are really not that high. I’ve lived with myself long enough to know that I can utterly blow it in the blink of an eye. Outside of the grace and Spirit of God I don’t trust myself, and I know that without confidence in his great love for me, I would be crippled by fear and anxiety. Even after I became a believer, fear was a constant struggle for me until God graciously used some trying circumstances in my life, and his Word, to help me overcome it. (Click here to learn more.)

Victory over fear is far more than just the absence of anxiety and dread; it is confidence in God’s goodness towards us even in the midst of trying circumstances. Psalm 27:10 has long been a favorite verse of mine. “Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.” When I fear that people will fail me, I can trust that he will not. 1 John 4:18 says that perfect love drives out fear. It took me a while to grasp that, but now it gives my heart great confidence. I know that he loves me, and that he promises to work “all things” together for my good (Rom. 8:28), so I don’t have to freak out when bad things happen. I can remain confident that I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of living! No matter what happens (even a full-scale war against me!), my heart can be confident and reject fear. So yes, I am loaded with confidence; it’s just not in myself.

In this psalm David reminds himself to seek God’s face. That is his response to fearful events, and as he turns to God his fears begin to melt. He reminds himself that the Lord has been his helper, and then boldly proclaims he will never be forsaken. Knowing his goodness, and getting into his presence will dispel every fear. There is nothing that can shake us when we are hiding in the shadow of his wing. When I am afraid, I close my eyes and imagine myself climbing up into my Heavenly Father’s lap and listen as he sings over me (Zep. 3:17). I think of the many times I held and sang over my own children and grandchildren when they were upset or afraid. As soon as they stopped struggling, rest and peace came. I chose to be still and know that he is God. He is bigger than all my troubles combined, and I can have confidence in him as I rest in his love.

Lord God, I praise you for your great love! I am so honored to be your child. That the sovereign Lord, creator of heaven and earth, cares enough to quiet me with his love is simply amazing. Today I choose not to strive, but to rest as you hold me and give me confidence to face the day. Life in this world is just hard sometimes, but you are so good, and you have overcome the world for us. Bless your holy name! I love you, and I rest in your love today. Amen

Time to Rest

Lord, this morning I decided to look at Ephesians to try and help my mind get a better grasp of all the blessings I have in You. The description of what You have provided for your children in chapters one and two always just blows me away, and I realize that I am not walking in the abundance You offer. You have blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms, have redeemed us through grace that You have lavished on us, chosen us to be holy and blameless before the world began, adopted us as your very own children through the kind intention of your will, and made know to us the mystery of your will. We are your very own possession, and You have given us your Spirit as a pledge. At the end of chapter one, Paul prays:

“That the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him, having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might that he worked in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly places.”

It just overwhelms me every time I read that, and I long to walk in the fullness of my calling or the fullness of your power. I decided to meditate on this book for a while so that perhaps the eyes of my heart will be enlightened. In Philippians 3:10 Paul talks about knowing him and the power of his resurrection, but then he talks about knowing the fellowship of his suffering. He then said even though he had not fully attained all that Christ had attained for him, he was pressing on towards that high calling.

That is what I want to do Lord. Show me how to press forward, and to forget what is behind. Do not let yesterday’s heartaches and struggles prevent today’s victories. Help me to understand the incredible calling I have as your child. It is simply miraculous! I know it. Many times I have tapped into you great power, but I do not stay there habitually. Teach me to walk in your Spirit, and to press forward. That requires an active stance on my part. Pressing forward means that I am determined, and steadfast in my resolve. Father today, help me press forward towards that amazingly high calling in Christ. Thank You many times over for what You have provided me through Jesus. I have been transferred from death to life, and made part of your family. Never let me take that for granted. I am in awe! Today, help me appropriate your blessings in every aspect of life. I praise You for who You are, and thank You for who I am because of Jesus. Hallelujah!

Sweet child, you are the apple of my eye (Zec. 2:8). I am always watching you and listening to your cries (Ps. 34:15). Cling to Me (Jer. 13:11), and you will naturally walk in the abundant life and blessings I offer. You are still too affected by your circumstances—the struggles you face are intended to show you that. When you focus on troubles, they rule you. When you focus on Me, I will carry you and give you peace that passes human comprehension (Ph. 4:7). It makes no sense in the eyes of the world when you live that way; yet it when you are able to overcome circumstances it draws people to Me and I am glorified. When you look anxiously about and become tossed to and fro by life, you are glorifying the problems. Even though the children of Israel had seen my glory, their unholy fear of the false gods of the nations kept them from walking in my blessings. Surely none of them desired to sacrifice their children to Molech—they did it out of fear. What are you afraid of? Whatever it is, it becomes your master. That is why you must fear Me. However, the fear of the Lord is not associated with punishment or panic. It is honoring Me above anything else that tries to exalt itself in your life, and casts out all other fear, because you know that you are secure in my love (2 Cor. 10:5, 1 Jn. 4:18). Yes, I realize the problems are big, but I am bigger. Remember that my purposes cannot be thwarted (Job 42:2). Since my will is your desire, you can rest assured that I will work all of these circumstances together for good (Rom. 8:28), but holding on to fear and the need for control can postpone the victory. You must surrender this completely dear child. I will not force you to let go, but I am standing here waiting for you to cast your cares on Me. I AM the answer; so stop looking anxiously around you for another solution (Is. 41:10). As you press forward, be diligent to enter into the rest I offer (Heb. 4:11). Do not let unbelief keep you from it. This is a choice dear one. Choose to reject fear and unbelief. Choose to cling to Me instead, because I am faithful. Hold on to Me, and I will lead you into victory.

At The Heart of Every Fear

I believe that at the heart of every unhealthy fear there is a question about God’s goodness. 1 John 4:18 tells us that perfect love expels fear. That is, when we know we are loved, we know we can trust that God has ultimate control, and that He will work all things out for our good (Rom. 8:28). For years, I was crippled by fear, because I did not understand the concept of his sovereignty. I acted as if He wasn’t paying attention, or like the disciples in the storm tossed boat mentioned in Mark 4:38, I thought he might not care that I was sinking.

The older I get the more I realize that God has a good agenda– even in our suffering. He has used awful circumstances in my life to bring about good that never would have happened without the bad happening first. When Jesus got up and calmed the storm for the disciples, he asked them why they were so afraid, and asked why (after all the miracles they had seen) they still had no faith. If you are a child of God, fear should not be status quo for you. It is the opposite of faith, and those are belong to Him are called to live by faith. Yes, the world is a hard place, and fearful things happen almost daily, but those who belong to Him should never give in to fear-.

It is a choice that says “even though the storms of life are raging, I know He is in control and I can trust Him with my life. If He does not choose to immediately rescue when bad things to happen, He still has my best interest at heart and will use it for good.” This does not mean we don’t remove ourselves from danger or try to improve circumstances when we have the power to do so. (There is a healthy, God-given fear that protects us when we are in immediate danger). However, it means we do not desperately grasp to control things we cannot control. We will all experience fear in life. The key is to learn to surrender it to God, so that He can replace it with faith. Paul admitted to the Corinthians that his visit to them had been characterized by “weakness and fear.” Yet, he went on to explain that this was so that their faith would be based on the power of God rather than the wisdom of men (1 Cor. 2:3-5). It is in our weakness that God’s power is best displayed (2 Cor. 12:9). This means that fear gives us an opportunity to proclaim His power. When we can say we were afraid, but still moved forward in faith, it shows the world it is His power rather than our own.

Are you struggling with fear? Perhaps you have received bad news from the doctor. Perhaps someone you love has rejected you. Perhaps you fear for a loved-one who is making bad decisions, or even choosing to deliberately hurt you. Perhaps your fear is related to finances. Whatever it is, I urge you to surrender it to the One who loves you most. He knows the situation. It has not caught Him off guard. Even though your circumstances may be the result of sin, and not part of His perfect will for your life, He promises to use all things for your good.

Think about the story of Joseph in Genesis. He was captured by his brothers and sold into slavery, then falsely accused and unfairly imprisoned. He suffered undeserved consequences for decades, but he held on tightly to God. In the end, Joseph told his brothers that even though they intended their actions for harm, God intended them for good (Gen. 50:20). His circumstances were the result of their sin, but God ultimately used it for good. In every fearful event of life we are faced with a choice. We will either focus on the goodness of God or we will focus on our negative circumstances . We always have the power to choose. Will you choose to trust in his goodness and love for you, or will you question his goodness and let fear rule you? Jesus told his disciples not to let their hearts be troubled or afraid (Jn. 14:27), but to believe (Jn. 14:1). Obviously, we can’t just turn off our emotions, but we can choose our response. When fear rolls in, choose to look to God in faith and confidence that his promises are true. Believe that He will use your circumstances for good, and you trust that He always has loving intentions towards you.

Psalm 56 has long been one of my favorites. Notice how the psalmist chooses to deal with his fear. I have recited these word many times as I have made the choice to believe rather than fear. If you are struggling with fear, I hope you will pray this psalm now.

Be merciful to me, O God, for man would swallow me up; Fighting all day he oppresses me. My enemies would hound me all day, For there are many who fight against me, O Most High. Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You. In God (I will praise His word), In God I have put my trust; I will not fear. What can flesh do to me? All day they twist my words; All their thoughts are against me for evil. They gather together, They hide, they mark my steps, When they lie in wait for my life. Shall they escape by iniquity? In anger cast down the peoples, O God! You number my wanderings; Put my tears into Your bottle; Are they not in Your book? When I cry out to You, Then my enemies will turn back; This I know, because God is for me. In God (I will praise His word), In the Lord (I will praise His word), In God I have put my trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? Vows made to You are binding upon me, O God; I will render praises to You, For You have delivered my soul from death. Have You not kept my feet from falling, That I may walk before God In the light of the living?    For further study see: Psalms 23, 27, 34 & 46, Isaiah 41:10, 51:12-14, Romans 8:15, Hebrews 13:6

What are you Afraid of?

In my counseling ministry, I would say fear is one of the biggest problems I see. It is at the root of many deep-seated problems like depression and anxiety, and definitely at the heart of many relationship struggles. When I talk to most people, they do not even realize they struggle with fear, but when they are going to great links to control something, it is usually because they are trying to avoid something that makes them afraid. Scripture tells us the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. I believe that is because whatever we fear will control us, and we will do just about anything to control our lives so that the things we fear will not come upon us.

Fear and control are inexorably linked. Are you doing what I call the dance of fear; this is, trying to force circumstances and people to line up with your demands– all to avoid something you fear?  If so, the answer lies in learning to trust the One who loves you most. His perfect love can surely cast out fear, as you let go of the reins and surrender everything to Him, you can experience the peace the passes human comprehension. 

In my own life, fear was a dominant factor until I finally learned to refuse it during one of the greatest trials of my life. If you are struggling with anxiety, depression, or even relational conflict, fear could very well be at the heart of the problem. When you have time, I have written an article outlining my own battle and victory over fear. It is posted below and will probably take some time to read, so feel free to come back later. I hope  it will be helpful to you. Always feel free to message me with any questions or comments. Many blessings!

Replacing Fear with Faith                                                          

 By Joy Forrest

Over my years as a Christian, I have come to realize that my greatest periods of growth have occurred during times of crisis. Yet, in spite of this truth, I had never really learned to face my trials with joy until a few years ago when problems in my marriage became the catalyst for one of the most profound lessons of my spiritual life. A year prior to our crisis, I would have told anyone who asked me that I had a wonderful marriage and family. Even though we have a blended family, we had managed to avoid many of the pitfalls common to these marriages. However, this particular year, a problem with one of the children caused a disagreement that nearly ended our marriage. We were unable to agree and both resorted to sinful patterns from our pasts. He shut down and I went into a panic. Eventually, my husband moved out of the house leaving me stunned and confused.

When I first realized that our marriage was in serious trouble, I responded with pure, unadulterated fear. I spent hours crying to the Lord and begging Him to “fix” us.  Not so coincidentally, I happened to be in the middle of my second year in seminary, and had signed up for a class on crisis counseling. While the class covered specific responses to crisis situations, there seemed to be a few dominant spiritual themes. We were reminded that God is sovereign, and as such, He often allows tragedies to occur in our lives. However, He doesn’t merely allow these unpleasant circumstances; He promises to use them for good.

I was not unaware of either of these truths; however, our professor made a statement that seemed to reverberate in my ears. He said that Christians in crisis situations should ask God what He wanted to teach them through their experience. That was something I had not considered in the midst of my pain. We also learned that sinful patterns within our lives often lead to crisis, and I realized that I needed to examine my own heart. One night, while I was praying I realized that fear had become the driving force in my life. I also recognized that this fear revealed a lack of trust in God. Perhaps it had even been a contributing factor in the failure of my marriage. I asked Him to show me how to overcome fear. Proverbs says that fear of man is a snare, but the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. I realized that my own life did not meet His standards on either count. I needed to figure out how fear had become such a powerful force in my life.

Some of my earliest memories are related to fear. I remember lying awake many nights staring at shadows in the corner of my room. Sometimes I would get up enough nerve to run to my parents’ room and get in bed with them. Other times I would lie awake till morning light poured through my window revealing the source of my imagined fiend to be the shadow from a piece of furniture or a tree outside my window. Even though morning light may have proven a particular fear to be without basis, daylight was also filled with things to dread.

During my early childhood, my father was the pastor of several small town churches. He preached a liberal gospel, and did not believe in the authority of scripture. His beliefs suggested that God was uninvolved in the affairs of people. Like most children, I admired my dad and naturally absorbed his beliefs. In his thinking, Jesus merely came to promote social justice. Our family was run out of town by the KKK after my dad preached a pro civil rights sermon to a small town Southern congregation, and I learned that people were to be feared. My father seemed to worry an awful lot about the deacon boards. They had a great deal of power in his life, and it did not take me long to figure out that keeping up appearances was very important. Eventually, the constant power struggles with these boards resulted in my dad leaving the ministry altogether.

My father stopped attending church with us, and his apparent bitterness towards the church spilled over into my life. Within five years, I was in full-blown rebellion and practicing witchcraft. My life was spinning out of control, and my fears were greatly intensified.Only an encounter with God’s grace could set me free from my all-consuming fear. When I poured out my heart to Him in repentance, I received peace like I had never known. Fear was no longer the defining characteristic of my life. However, something so deeply entrenched would not be so easily conquered. Overcoming fear would be a long-term process for someone in such great bondage, and fear of man would be the greatest challenge.

A few years after my salvation, my father left our family and eventually married a former secretary. This move shook me to the core. Nothing my mother and I could say or do would move him, and our prayers for his return remained unanswered. There was a point when I did not see or hear from my father for over a year, and bitterness began to fill my heart. I eventually forgave my dad, but this period of bitterness left lasting effects on my life. My father did not approve of the young man I had been dating, and so, with all the wisdom of youth, I decided to prove him wrong by marrying the fellow.

Unfortunately, my father’s instincts about him were correct. Within the first month of our marriage, he was waking me in the middle of the night and screaming at me for hours. By the time we reached our thirteenth year of marriage, screams were accompanied by threats and physical violence. I also learned that my husband had been unfaithful numerous times. No amount of counseling was able to fix what was broken in our relationship. Fear was my constant companion as I jumped through hoops to please a man who changed the rules every day. I reached out to pastor after pastor, and got the same response again and again. Maybe if I would be a better wife, keep a cleaner house, or boost his ego more things would improve. Things finally got so violent that I was forced to take our two girls and flee.

I had left for “cooling off” periods many times over the years, but this time was different. My husband went through our house intent on destroying everything I owned. He chopped up and burned most of the beautiful antiques I had inherited from my grandmother. He then bagged up all my clothes and personal items, and took them to the town dumpster. He called my mother to tell her that all my things were going there. We had left home with the only the clothes on our backs, so I set out to retrieve what I could from the dumpster.  Some ladies from my bible study volunteered their husbands to accompany me. It was dusk when I climbed down into the rubbish. So many of my precious belongings were strewn over mounds and mounds of garbage. I recovered antique silver, plates, trays, jewelry, books, my bible, clothes, shoes, and so much more. Some items were in trash bags, so I opened bags as I went and handed items up to the men outside. Some bags contained my things; others just had garbage.

Before long I was knee deep in dirty diapers and rotten food. Suddenly I heard screaming outside. My husband was back and yelling at the men helping me. It had gotten dark, so I turned off my flashlight and prayed that he would not see me. He didn’t, but began throwing items back into the dumpster. First he threw a lamp, and then a large bag that knocked me over into the filth below. I just sat there and prayed until he left. I found myself saying, “Lord, nobody has ever been through this before! Nobody knows what I’m going through.” No sooner had I uttered those words than it seemed as if Jesus Himself was there right beside me saying, “I have. I know your pain.” Suddenly my heart understood that He really knew the betrayal I was experiencing. He had been betrayed by an intimate friend, and was beaten and shamed by those He loved. Although I had known Him for over twenty years, I had never experienced the depths of His love like I did at that moment. He endured the cross because he knew my sin would cause me to suffer, and He chose to share in my suffering. I never would have chosen such pain.

I often tell people that that day was both the worst and best of my life, because my eyes were opened wider to His great love for me. That day was a huge victory in my battle against fear, because perfect love casts out fear and I saw His perfect love more clearly than ever before. I stood in that dumpster and thanked Him, because I knew that such a great love would never let me go. Paul’s words seemed to sum up my feelings perfectly; “I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ.” (Phil 3:8)

In the years since that experience, I have never doubted the Lord’s love and care for me. However, I have still struggled with the fear of what men might do. Even though I know Him to be completely faithful, the experiences I had with my father and my first husband showed me that men are not. Therefore, the fear of being hurt by another man had remained deep inside my heart. I had failed to believe God, and failed to heed Jesus’ command to fear God rather than man (Matt. 10:28.) Hebrews 11:6 says, “…without faith, it is impossible to please Him,” and Romans 14:23 says that “…whatever is not born of faith is sin.” My heart had chosen to fear rather than believe, and that had lead to unbiblical actions within my second marriage.

As I began to examine what had gone wrong in our marriage, I realized that fear had often controlled my behavior. I had never been very good at speaking the truth in love, and knew that I should have done that in every aspect of my marriage; but I didn’t. If something my husband did bothered me, I rarely found the courage to tell him. It was always agonizing for me to speak truth when I disagreed, because something in me cringes at the thought of confrontation. I guess deep down I was afraid that upsetting him might lead to losing him. There were a few issues that we never agreed on, so I decided that withholding information was better than speaking the truth. Basically, this secrecy amounted to nothing more than sanitized lies, and every once and a while I even told “little white lies” to protect my interests. Our Lord desires truth in the innermost being (Ps. 51:6) and my actions fell short of His desire.

Once these sinful actions became ingrained in my life, I was left with a multitude of negative feelings. As I allowed vain imaginations to flourish in my mind, I became depressed and panic-ridden. When I yielded to fear, rather than faith, my emotions became more and more unstable. My actions and reactions were based on emotion rather than truth. I went to great links to try and make circumstances and my husband line up with my desires. Sinful words and lies were the natural result, and these sinful actions only aggravated the problems between us. My intention was to control the situation, but instead I made things worse. In the end, my husband found out about my lies and used them to justify his departure. “The thing I greatly feared [came] upon me.” (Job 3:25) Our marriage came to an abrupt halt, and just like when my father left; nothing I could do or say was enough to change my husband’s heart. I had to decide whether I would respond with fear or faith. The path of fear had been a downward spiral for too long, and I realized that I needed to make some changes.

When I lived in fear, my focus was on myself. I failed to trust God’s sovereignty and tried to take control of my own life. His Spirit convicted my heart of this sin, and I confessed it. I made a decision to turn from my sin, and also asked the Lord to give me wisdom to overcome my fears. Changing my sinful patterns required casting down imaginations, and focusing on Him rather than myself. It also required choosing to focus on things that were true and honorable, and to worship the only One who is worthy to be feared. Each time fear rolled in; I made a conscious decision not to yield to it and I learned that scripture was an effective weapon against fear.

“For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God…” This passage in Romans (8:15) reminded me that I belonged to Him, and that my heavenly Father was bigger than anything in this world. He had promised to use bad circumstances for my good, and I knew I could trust His promise. I found many scriptures that brought peace to my heart. I even printed out and posted Psalms 27 and 46 in my house. When I was tempted to fear, I read these Psalms out loud. Over the years, I have read Psalm 46 many times, but this time around it seemed to take on new life. “There is a river whose streams shall make glad the city of God, The holy place of the tabernacle of the Most High. God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved…” (Ps. 46:4-5)  I thought of Jesus’ statement: “He who believes in Me… ‘From his innermost being shall flow rivers of living water.'” (John 7:38)  As I thought of these two scriptures, I realized He was in me and nothing could shake Him. No matter what happened, I did not have to be moved. As the world changed around me, I chose not fear but rather to stand behind the One who never changes.

Consistent time in God’s word was also essential in my battle against fear, and prayer was equally important. After I committed myself to deliberately turn from my fears regarding my marriage, a new fear crept into my life. I believed that God has called me into a teaching ministry. Seminary training was not part of my plan for my life, but a few years earlier, I had felt compelled to go and had no peace until I answered the call. However, from the day I signed up for classes, I realized that my divorce could be an obstacle to ministry, in spite of the fact that God had used that experience to teach me so many things: the freeing power of forgiveness, His faithfulness, and surrender to His will. That is why I had become so compelled to minister to others. Still, it was bad enough when I only had one failed marriage to report, and I feared that a second failure would cause most Christians to see me as entirely useless to minister. Quite frankly I was feeling the same way.

I searched God’s word for an answer to my fears concerning ministry, and was encouraged by the story of David’s life. Even after he committed adultery and murder, scripture called him a man after God’s own heart. I prayed that I would be a woman after His heart. However, I remained afraid that people would never allow me to minister. I poured my heart out to Him in prayer, and He faithfully answered my cry. I decided to visit a friend’s church one Sunday, and the pastor’s sermon was on ministry. It seemed like it was written just for me. The pastor said that many times people feel unworthy to minister because of their pasts, and went on to quote Romans 11:29 which states that His gifts and calling are irrevocable. I cried throughout the whole message, because I understood that His grace is sufficient. It was His ministry; not mine. If He wanted me to minister, He would cause it to happen. He was faithful to hear my prayer and answer my fear directly.

The path to overcoming fear was, and is, filled with choices. I had to choose to obey His word and truth, rather than my emotions and fears. I had to reserve fear and reverence for the only One worthy of it. I also had to choose to commit myself to prayer, and to walk in His Spirit rather than my flesh. I presented myself to Him as a living sacrifice, and refused to conform to the ways of the world (Rom 12:1.) It was my choice- I could have focused on my circumstances, but I chose to focus on His goodness. In the past, I had let my mind dwell on the negatives, totally disregarding His sovereignty. However, now I had chosen to trust that He would even use our separation for good. I found joy in knowing that His loving hands would never let me go. Even joy was a choice. Though my heart was grieving, I was able to rejoice in my faithful God. I found that praising Him lifted me out of the mire of self-centeredness. In His presence there is fullness of joy (Ps. 16:11.) Worship reminded me of how big He is, and helped me see how small my problems were in comparison. I found that as long as I continued to choose His ways instead of mine, He blessed me with the peace that passes understanding.

Although I had no guarantee of reconciliation with my husband, I realized that I had to do what the Lord required of me and left the outcome in His hands…. I chose to walk His path to abundant life, and did not let my “…heart be troubled, nor letit be fearful.” (John 14:27)  Though things continued to look dismal for several months, I understood that the things that are seen are temporary, but unseen things are eternal. (II Cor. 4:18) I remembered how my eyes fooled me as child looking at shadows in the darkness. When the morning came, the shadows were gone and there was never anything worthy of my fear. “For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.” There is nothing on this earth to compare with the light of His glory, and every shadow of fear will fade in the light of eternity. As I chose to live in that light, God was faithful faithful to use a horrible situation to help me overcome sinful patterns, and to deliver me from a lifetime of fear.

I sought the LORD, and He heard me,
And delivered me from all my fears.
They looked to Him and were radiant,
And their faces were not ashamed.
Ps. 34:4-5

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Scripture quotes were taken from the NKJV or NASB versions of the bible.