Sometimes Sleep Really is Overrated

Many mornings I struggle to rise and shine early enough to spend sufficient time in the Word before I begin my day. There have been seasons when I found it easy to wake up at 4:00 or 5:00 and didn’t even feel tired, but other times it’s such a battle. My desire is to have uninterrupted God time before all the distractions of the day start chiming in, but it seems to come in waves. I have periods where I don’t seem to need as much sleep, and other times I can’t get enough. Nearly every night I ask God to wake me naturally, because I know that setting an alarm doesn’t work. When I force myself to get up, I find myself so sleepy I can’t function. It seems like the only time an alarm clock is successful is when I stay up and moving. It definitely doesn’t work for quiet times, because sitting still is too conducive to dozing off.

Today, as I was reading in the book of Acts, I noticed in chapters 16 and 20 that Paul didn’t seem to get a lot of sleep. In chapter 16, we get the account of Paul and Silas’ imprisonment in Philippi. They were praying and worshipping God around midnight when a great earthquake occurred. Paul was then able to share the gospel in the prison to the jailer and all the prisoners. After that, the jailer took them to his house, cleaned them up, and let them share the message with his family. The entire family was baptized in the middle of the night, and then Paul and Silas were back in jail by daylight. In chapter 20, Paul was preaching “on and on” till midnight (Ac.20:9) when young Eutychus fell out of the window and died. After Paul raised him to life, they broke bread, and he talked to them until daylight.

When I read the Gospels I see the same sort of pattern with Jesus. He would often withdraw to lonely places and pray all night, or rise way before daybreak (Lk. 6:12, Mk. 1:35). On the night of his betrayal he lamented that his disciples kept falling asleep, and told them “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak” (Mt. 26:41). I find it interesting that Jesus told them to deny their bodies, and fervently seek God instead. Still, I can sure relate to those disciples. Some people might think that since Jesus was divine it was easier for him to go without sleep, but we know that on at least one occasion he was so exhausted he was able to sleep through a violent storm (Mk. 4:38).

God designed our bodies to need sleep, and even Jesus was not exempt from this need, but there seem to be times when his Spirit can enable us to deny that need. I have noticed that when I’ve gone on mission trips in the past, I have managed to thrive on much less sleep. Beyond that, I have had sporadic bouts of insomnia that I am sure were from God. As I determined to watch and pray through those nights, amazing things happened. I saw spiritual breakthroughs in my life, and on a few occasions received specific answers to prayers. Occasionally, very specific ideas would pop into my head about actions I should take to receive the answer to my prayer. When I later acted on those “ideas,” the outcome was simply amazing. I often tell people that those “middle of the night” times of communion with God are most powerful, because I am finally quiet and still enough to hear.

So, as I sit contemplating these patterns of sleeplessness in scripture (and there are more! Check out Gen. 32:24, 1 Sam. 15:11, Ps. 63:6, Lam. 2:19), I can’t help but think that sleep actually is overrated when it comes to our spiritual lives. Science has shown that some people are “short sleepers” who actually need less sleep, but clearly I’m not one of them. Chances are you aren’t either. However, I believe that having periods of missed sleep in order to seek him can be as effective to our spirits as fasting from food. There is something powerful about denying self, and seeking him wholeheartedly. I believe we just need to avail ourselves to his Spirit, and allow him to speak to us through the watches of the night.

I rise before dawn and cry for help; I have put my hope in your word. My eyes stay open through the watches of the night, that I may meditate on your promises. Ps. 119:147-148S

Something New

It seems that God is doing something new in my life lately, and I have found myself at a loss as how to proceed. Even though I am not a very structured person, I still find myself wanting to do things the way I’ve been doing them for such a long time. Change is difficult for us. Even the most flexible of us create our own traditions, and breaking out of them is HARD. This passage from Mark seemed to be exactly what I needed to read today.

“No one sews a patch of unshrunk cloth on an old garment. Otherwise, the new piece will pull away from the old, making the tear worse. And no one pours new wine into old wineskins. Otherwise, the wine will burst the skins, and both the wine and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins.” Mark 2:21-22

Jesus came and challenged everything the religious leaders valued. He questioned their way of doing things, and even their interpretation of the law. They constantly criticized him for violating the Sabbath, but he pointed them to the heart of the Law, rather than the letter of it (see Mk. 2:23-28). As Believers, I am sure most of us see ourselves as far more spiritually savvy than the Pharisees and Scribes, but I’m not so sure we are. We get used to our traditions, and begin to see treat them as though they are the very oracles of God.

In my own case, I’ve been doing good things–even spiritual things, but I’ve come to realize that I may have been focusing on things that were not my calling. So now, I find it difficult to figure out how to order my time. Should I continue to do the good things, or should I jump out in faith? God is calling me to take some huge steps of faith, but continuing on the path of least resistance is so much easier. The problem is that it’s not so much more blessed. I know that until I am obedient, I will not be able to walk in his best for my life. So today I’m making a choice to throw out the old wine skins. I reject my own “old” way of doing things, and choose to embrace the “something new”to which he is calling me.

How about you? Have you held on to your old ways for too long? Are you willing to walk in the newness of life he calls us to live? I know it can be hard, but it is the only path to blessing. So out with the old! In with the new!

Behold, I am doing a new thing;
now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
I will make a way in the wilderness
and rivers in the desert. Is. 43:19

 

 

God of Vengeance?

God hates sin, but he loves people. He hates sin, because he knows it destroys us. Yet, rather than seeing his heart of love, most of us believe that he is actually withholding something good from us when he gives us rules for living. While many see him as a God of wrath and condemnation, he does not delight in judgment. He is a God of mercy, and even the Old Testament prophets who preached judgment offered chance after chance for repentance. It was only when the people’s sin had reached a point of no return (including child sacrifice) that God finally allowed his children to suffer the consequences of their sin. Even then, he desired reconciliation, and his purpose in judgment was to draw his people back into relationship. This passage in Ezekiel stood out to me today.

Yet you say, ‘The way of the Lord is not just.’ Hear, you Israelites: Is my way unjust? Is it not your ways that are unjust?  If a righteous person turns from their righteousness and commits sin, they will die for it; because of the sin they have committed they will die. But if a wicked person turns away from the wickedness they have committed and does what is just and right, they will save their life. Because they consider all the offenses they have committed and turn away from them, that person will surely live; they will not die. Yet the Israelites say, ‘The way of the Lord is not just.’ Are my ways unjust, people of Israel? Is it not your ways that are unjust? “Therefore, you Israelites, I will judge each of you according to your own ways, declares the Sovereign LORD. Repent! Turn away from all your offenses; then sin will not be your downfall. Rid yourselves of all the offenses you have committed, and get a new heart and a new spirit. Why will you die, people of Israel? For I take no pleasure in the death of anyone, declares the Sovereign LORD. Repent and live! Ez. 18:25-32

As I read in Ezekiel today, I couldn’t help but think of the kids who attended Christian school with our kids. When I look back at them, many of them ended up with very broken lives. Why? Just like the Israelites fell into idolatry, because they saw the the rules imposed by their parents and the school as unfair. These kids felt they were missing out on something, and went to great links to be like the world. They didn’t see the good in their parents’ motives, even as Israel could only see what God seemed to be withholding from them.* In the end, in spite of their parents’ good intentions to protect them, their lives became shipwrecked.

The bottom line was that they felt like their parents were holding out on them, and they just had to have what everyone else in society had. They didn’t see that their parents wanted the best for them. They only saw that they were “different,” and they didn’t want to be. The same was true of Israel. Instead of being grateful for God’s care and provision, they looked around at what they were “missing.” They didn’t have multiple gods to help with various issues in life. They didn’t have a king like all the other nations, and so they insisted on being like those other nations—even to the point of sacrificing their children to false gods. God gave them free will to choose, and his desire was for his children to choose him. Instead they chose bondage.

God offers us a new heart and spirit, and too often we run after shallow substitutes that result in bondage. We run to other things for comfort—food, relationships, alcohol, and the like. We don’t want to bow our wills to anyone, so in the end our desire to be in control ends up controlling us. The only true freedom in this life is found in completely surrendering to the one who truly wants the best for us. He does not delight in our destruction, and he knows that when our worship becomes misplaced, that will be the result. He offers a solution, yet too often we run to counterfeits.

Thank you Lord that you care, and that you do not delight in judging us. Thank you for your mercy. The solution for this whole problem is proper worship. Help us never put our own comfort or desires above your best for our lives. We know you want the best for us, so we can trust you. Give us new hearts and spirits that delight in you, rather than hide from you. Teach us that true and proper worship is the key to true freedom. Amen

 

*Now I have to admit that this isn’t the best analogy. Sometimes earthly parents focus a little too much on control, and sometimes that might push kids towards rebellion. But our Lord never forces his way in our lives, and yet we still insist on running from his best.

Feeling Frantic?

Do you ever feel frantic? I know I do, and I’ve learned it is a sure sign that rather than trusting God, I am seeking control. Basically, it boils down to idolatry. Idols are the things we run to for comfort so that we can keep things from getting out of hand.  Yet, from time to time, in spite of all we do, things do spin out of our control. As people of God, those times are wake up calls to help us realize only he is sovereign over everything, and our efforts are feeble. They are an illusion, because in reality, we have control over very little. The One who holds everything together could allow it to fall apart at any time, but because of his grace, he sustains us. He is good, so he can be trusted. And trusting him leads to joy (being blessed), while trusting in flesh (self and other shallow substitutes) leads to misery or being cursed. The choice is clear.

This is what the LORD says: “Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who draws strength from mere flesh and whose heart turns away from the LORD. That person will be like a bush in the wastelands; they will not see prosperity when it comes. They will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives. “But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? “I the LORD search the heart and examine the mind, to reward each person according to their conduct, according to what their deeds deserve.” Jer. 17:5-10

Jeremiah’s task as a young prophet was to proclaim God’s coming judgment against his people, because they had forsaken him and turned to idols. Yet, even in judgment, he was offering hope to those who would chose to trust him. It’s interesting to me that while much of Jeremiah’s warnings against the people are related to sins of commission and omission, this passage seems to get to the heart behind those sins. It’s all a matter of trust. The blatant sins were idolatry and failing to honor the Sabbath, but at the root of those sins was a lack of trust in God. As God’s people we are supposed to be different. The tendency of human flesh is to trust in self or others that we can see and touch. It it not in our nature to trust an unseen God. We want to be in control. We can control flesh, but we cannot control the unseen. It seems unnatural for flesh to trust in supernatural, but that is what God calls us to do, and if we don’t, there are consequences.

To be cursed means to be miserable, as opposed to being blessed or happy. Trusting him results in something else that is unseen—our roots are firmly established. They develop deep and tap into the fountains of living water. Being tapped into those streams of living water is the key to blessing. This is not based on activity, but trust. Trust stands still and waits. It does not feel the need for control, and it is never frantic. When we realize we have no control, and that the One who does have it is good, and wants the best for us, we can choose the blessing of trusting him.

Oh Lord, help us to trust you rather than frantically strive for control. We know you are good, and you can be trusted, but sometimes we are afraid anyway. Help us to be still and know you are God and that your love for us is everlasting. We can trust in One who loves us that much. So even though circumstances and things in this seen world try to move us, we will not be moved. We will be like trees planted by streams of living waters and have no need to fear. We choose to believe you. Amen

 

Living in Dread…

I often tell people that whatever we fear is what we serve, so that the object of our fear basically becomes our god. This morning a passage in Isaiah reminded me of that truth.

“Whom have you so dreaded and feared that you have been false to me, and have neither remembered me nor pondered this in your hearts? Is it not because I have long been silent that you do not fear me?  I will expose your righteousness and your works, and they will not benefit you. When you cry out for help, let your collection [of idols] save you! The wind will carry all of them off, a mere breath will blow them away. But the man who makes me his refuge will inherit the land and possess my holy mountain.” (Is.57:11-13).

“Whom have you so dreaded and feared that you have been false to me…” I’m not sure how much more clear that could be! At the heart of being unfaithful to God is usually a fear of something else (no matter what that something else is, I’d call it an idol). An idol is anything we meditate on, and spend our time trying to appease. For years, I did the dance of fear trying to keep an abusive husband happy so he wouldn’t lash out. I feared him much more than God, and the result was I served him rather than God. In fact, he became my god, because of the way I served him.

Another interesting thing about this passage is “I will expose your righteousness and your works…” Very often people do good works out of fear—they worry what people think and are trying to impress them rather than God. This fear of man is idolatry of the worst sort. It becomes works-based rather than love-based. God does not desire our feeble efforts; he desires our love. From that love, genuine works of righteousness will flow naturally. The ones born of fear of man are wood, hay, and stubble mentioned by Paul in 1 Cor. 3. These works may look wonderful to people, but they cannot stand before the Judge.

This passage should be a wake up call to the people of God. The warning here is not based on actions, but on misplaced fear. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and when we are more worried about pleasing him than people or unpleasant circumstances, that is wisdom. Then we will be like the man who built his house upon the rock in in Matthew 7:24-25. No matter what life brings our way, we can overcome because we know the One we fear is in control and his love casts out sinful fear. We can stand firm knowing he is in charge. Sinful fear dreads losing control, and that is why the Israelites sacrificed to idols. They believed that appeasing them would make things run smoothly, and that if they didn’t sacrifice things would go badly. When we live in fear of man, we have a similar mentality. “If I can just…” everything will be ok. We’re trying to maintain control. Yet, the Lord calls us to leave the control in his hands. That is what the fear of the Lord does. It trusts in his goodness for the outcome, and we have nothing to dread.

Lord, help me never dread anything more than I desire to love and please you. Help me to avoid the trap of misplaced fear. Nothing on this earth is more powerful than you, so I need to reserve my fear for you alone. Yet, it is a different sort of fear than dread. It is honoring you above anything else, and resting in your control rather than trying to be in control. You are worthy of all honor and praise. Nothing on earth can ever cause me to be consumed with fear as long as I am consumed with you. Amen

The Blessing of an Undivided Heart

Teach me your way, LORD, that I may rely on your faithfulness; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. Ps. 86:11

It’s interesting that David talks about an undivided heart in relation to fearing God. I believe this is because fear is one of the best tactics of the enemy to destroy our spiritual walk. I’ve always said that whatever we fear will control us—that is why is is so important to fear the Lord. For so long I lived in fear of a man, and as a result he became the god of my life. I knew God was there, and I prayed to him regularly, but my heart was very divided. My first thought when deciding on an action was usually how my husband would respond to it. If it was something I wanted to do, and didn’t think he would like it, I might do it anyway and hide it from him. Still, the bottom line was that my life revolved around him rather than God. My divided heart put God second by default. Unhealthy fear enslaved me. An undivided heart is one that is fully surrendered to the Lord, and fears him more than anything or anyone else.

For many years the phrase “fear of the Lord” was an enigma to me, but it really shouldn’t have been. The type of fear that ruled my life with my ex husband was basically one that filtered nearly every thought through his possible reation. I feared his wrath. Although I have been redeemed from God’s wrath, a healthy fear of him would basically do the same. I would be more concerned about pleasing God than anyone else (including myself).  It is not so much a dread-based fear, but a love-based one. My love for him should far outweigh my love for anything or anyone else, and when it does I will give him control over my life. My heart is undivided, because there is no question that God comes first in every decision I make. He is in control rather than fleeting circumstances or unpredictable people. The wonderful thing about fearing God first is that it leads to peace. He is unchanging and all-loving, which means when I place my life in his hands I don’t need to fear anything else. I am surrendered and he is in control, so whatever happens I can trust him for the outcome. That is the blessing of an undivided heart.

Prayer:

Lord, I pray that my heart will be always undivided — that nothing on this earth will be more important to me than you! You are worthy of my praise, worthy of my fear, and so very good. I can trust you completely. Human nature tends towards fearing circumstances and even people, but Lord I know what a trap that is. That is like building a house on the sand. When the storms of life come, “great is the destruction” of that house. Father I ask that my life will be built upon the rock, because I put you first in everything. “All other ground is sinking sand.” Amen

Missing God’s Best

For years I lived in a state of divided worship. My main goal in life was to secure God’s blessing on my agenda. Sure, I loved him, but I’m afraid I loved myself more. Worship was all about me, and what I could get from him, rather than surrendering myself to him. Funny thing is that my agenda kept me in complete bondage, because idolatry leads us to a state of total fear. When we direct our worship to anything other than him, our peace and joy are totally dependent on the temporary circumstances we desire. We constantly fear losing the objects of our affection, and that fear controls our actions. True freedom is only found in true worship. When we surrender all to God, we have nothing to fear. He is never changing and eternal. He is all loving, and has a good plan for us, so when we learn to rest in that knowledge, we no longer feel threatened or afraid. We are free. God does not merely demand true worship for his sake, but for ours. He knows that all other forms of worship will lead us back into bondage. His ways are so much higher than ours, and following them is the path to blessing.

The passage that stood out in my reading this morning stressed that truth. Be careful not to sacrifice your burnt offerings anywhere you please. Offer them only at the place the Lord will choose in one of your tribes, and there observe everything I command you. (Dt. 12:13-14)

 As the Israelites took possession of the land, it wouldn’t be a lack of worship that would be their downfall; instead it would be improper worship. The Lord gave specific instructions on how they should worship, but they had their own ideas of how it should look. God warned them not to take on the practices of the nations surrounding them, but it did not take long for them to follow their detestable practices. Within generations they would even be sacrificing their children in the fire.

God calls us to surrender all to him—that means giving up our own agendas. However, far too often our worship becomes an effort to convince God to bless our selfish plans. We sacrifice our children to idols of convenience and pleasure, and there is very little self-surrender involved. To the contrary, we end up surrendering everything good and holy to our desires for comfort and blessing. Basically, we are worshipping, but we are not worshipping God. Our idolatrous desires steal our affections away from him, and rob our lives of his blessings. We reach out for what we think we need, and all the while are throwing away his best for our lives.

Lord, I have wasted too many years focused on false gods, and worshipping in my own way. Help me to be fully surrendered to you, and to worship in spirit and truth. Do not let me be deceived into thinking that anything in this world can offer true satisfaction. Only you are the Living Water that can satisfy the thirst in my soul. Forgive me for ever trying to replace you by digging my own broken cistern that won’t hold water (Jer. 2:13). You are worthy and good. I choose your ways over my own. Amen

 

 

Choosing Joy, Refusing Fear

I sought the LORD, and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears.Those who look to Him are radiant with joy; their faces will never be ashamed. (Ps. 34:4-5)

 Oh how true this has been in my life! When I sought answers and relief from my troubles, my fears only increased, but when it became clear that all my solutions had failed, there was nothing left to do but seek him. As I found comfort in his love and care, my fears diminished. His perfect love truly does eliminate fear (1 Jn. 4:18). In time, I learned to refuse fear and seek him instead. Now fear no longer controls me, nor does it urge me to try to control everything around me. When I lived in fear, I lived with shame. Everything was hidden. I did not want people to know the truth about our lives, so we kept secrets. I was ashamed that our family was so damaged, and I could not fix it. But when the light came shining in to expose the dead bones behind the façade, the shame was exposed to the world. My response was to seek God. Everything else, and I mean everything, had failed. I always say it was a terrible and wonderful place to be. It was terrible, because all my secrets were exposed, and because I was being betrayed by the person who had become my idol. It was wonderful, because the idol toppled, and there was nothing left but God. He was and ever shall be enough! His love brought me through, and used the trauma for good. Knowing his amazing love does eliminate fear, because we know he’s got us and that he will redeem whatever we experience. Hallelujah! That is cause for great joy!

Lord, remind me daily that I never need to fear as long as I am looking to you. There is nothing on earth that should cause me to live in fear, because you have it all in your loving hands. I bless your name, and trust you. What a joy it is to be your child. I pray I will radiate your great love to others. Amen

 

Selective Blindness

“Do not be angry, my lord,” Aaron answered. “You know how prone these people are to evil. They said to me, ‘Make us gods who will go before us. As for this fellow Moses who brought us up out of Egypt, we don’t know what has happened to him.’ So I told them, ‘Whoever has any gold jewelry, take it off.’ Then they gave me the gold, and I threw it into the fire, and out came this calf!” (Ex. 32:32-34)

 I can’t help but laugh when I read this account of Aaron’s role in the golden calf incident. Not only did he resort to the typical blaming of others, he acted as if the calf that he so skillfully formed just popped out of the fire without his input. I’ve seen this sort of reaction time and again in my life. People act shocked and surprised that sin basically took over, and indicate they had no control or say in the matter. I am sure that on more than one occasion, I have done the same thing. The funny thing is that when is comes to other people, it’s a completely different story. It’s so much easier to see their faults. Aaron’s statement, “You know how prone these people are to evil,” shows that he recognized the evil that lurks in the hearts of men, yet when it came to his own, it was completely accidental. I call this selective blindness. We find it easy to judge others, but completely evade our own culpability. The sad thing is that feigned blindness does not prevent very real consequences. In this case, the result was deadly for thousands.

It is our human nature to try to cover up our own iniquity, and to blame others. The problem with that approach is that it doesn’t change the outcome. There are consequences to straying from God’s path, and trying to deny, cover up or blame others simply adds insult to injury. I think about the difference between the first 2 kings of Israel. When Saul sinned, and the prophet confronted him, his reaction was similar to Aaron’s. The result was that God removed his Holy Spirit from him, he was eventually killed in battle, and the kingdom was taken from his family. When David sinned, his actions were much worse, but when the prophet confronted him, he was quick to repent. Even though there were still consequences for his sin, his genuine repentance redeemed the situation. God called David a man after his own heart, and I believe that is because he refused to cover up or choose blindness when he was forced to face what he had done. He pleaded with God not to remove his Holy Spirit from him. David treasured God, and therefore chose to look honestly at his own heart. The heart that chooses blindness is self-centered, and cares far more about self than God. The heart that loves God will deny self, but as a result will find the path to abundant life.

 Lord, please help me to always be willing to look at my own heart honestly. Do not allow me to be so insistent on my way that I fail to seek yours first. Let me always be willing to confess and willing to repent. Help me to see my own sin before I see the sins of others, and help me not to judge. My sweet Savior, help me to love you more than I love myself, and in doing so make your ways a priority over my own. These days my sins are usually heart issues rather than blatant actions, and when I look at other people, I tend to judge their heart attitudes too. Open my blind eyes Lord, and help me to see  my own failures before I start pointing my fingers at others. Amen

Sacrifice & Gratitude

And when your children ask you, ‘What does this ceremony mean to you?’ then tell them, ‘It is the Passover sacrifice to the LORD, who passed over the houses of the Israelites in Egypt and spared our homes when he struck down the Egyptians.’ ” Then the people bowed down and worshiped. (Ex. 12:26-27)

Up until this point, the Israelites had seen God’s hand moving on their behalf, but final deliverance would mean the death of many firstborn sons. Their freedom was purchased at a great cost, and their worship here seems to indicate they recognized that reality. They had to realize that God seriously loved them. “Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life” (Is. 43:3)– what a sobering thought! Surely they must have had relationships with many of the families who lost children. They acted as their servants, and interacted with them daily. Now they would not only gain their freedom, but also plunder the treasures of the ones they served, and leave them grieving their lost children. Of course, this foreshadows God’s sacrifice of his own son on the cross. My thought is that the Israelites must have felt so unworthy of the sacrifices made on their behalf. I know that is how I feel about Christ’s sacrifice on my behalf. It is beyond comprehension that a life, especially a life so precious would die to give me life. Interestingly, many of the lives that were sacrificed in Egypt were the most innocent- babies died. Surely, they did nothing worthy of death. Again, the reality had to be extremely sobering. The only logical response would be worship.

When I think about the great sacrifice of Jesus on my behalf, I am often overwhelmed. It’s something that never gets old for me. Even as God told the Israelites to keep this event as a special memorial, we are to keep the cross ever before us. Passover became the beginning of the year for Israel, and salvation is the beginning of our new lives. Out of death comes life, and the recipient of life should respond in utter worship.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. (Rom. 12:1)

Lord, help me to keep the cross ever before me, and to remember the sacrifice made on my behalf. I did nothing to deserve it, and yet you loved me enough to do it anyway. I stand amazed. Let my life be a constant act of worship, knowing that you loved me so much you gave up your only Son. Thank you!! I am so grateful, and I bow down before you now. Amen

Holding Nothing Back

“I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint. My heart has turned to wax; it has melted within me.” Ps. 22:14

Therefore I will give him a portion among the great, and he will divide the spoils with the strong, because he poured out his life unto death, and was numbered with the transgressors. Is. 53:12

 There are days when I think I have nothing left to give. I become so exhausted by the demands and tugs of world that I nearly shut down. Usually I try to figure out a way to pamper myself so that I can recharge, but when I think about it nothing I have faced has ever required everything I have. Even when I was experiencing the worst abuse, I was holding on to every vestige of control I could muster. When it seemed utterly hopeless, I cried out to God for help, and the comfort I received was that he completely understood what I was experiencing. He assured me that he knew what it was like to be betrayed, abandoned and abused. The thing that struck me in that moment was that he chose it! I certainly would have done anything to avoid it, but in his great love for us, he completely emptied himself (Phil. 2:7) to the point of death. He held nothing back.

In counseling it’s not uncommon to find people who are upset with God. They are angry that he is allowing them to suffer unjustly, or that he didn’t stop the latest affliction in their lives. Many have faced one horrible experience after another to the point I become heartbroken, and find myself joining them in asking God why he allowed so much misery. Yet, we often forget that our God did not merely leave us here to suffer alone. He came and entered into our suffering to the fullest extent possible. Sometimes knowing that is all we need to know, because there is great comfort in the “fellowship of his suffering” (Phil. 3:10). That is why support groups are often so helpful, because we know we are not alone in our pain. We do not have a God who abandons us and watches indifferently from heaven, but a God who loved us enough to sacrifice everything because of his love for us. When he poured himself out in pain, he was simultaneously pouring his great love onto us. Choosing gratitude for his sacrifice during difficult times can help us overcome the urge to question why and see God as unfair.

In this fallen world, there are no easy answers, and I’ve learned that going down the “why” trail can be very dangerous. It will lead us to bitterness and hopelessness. The better question to ask is “What would you have me learn in this Lord, and how would you like to use this situation for good?” We may never understand why some things have happened on this side of eternity, but we can be sure that He has a redemptive purpose. Even as Jesus endured the shame of the cross, because of the joy set before him (Heb. 12:2), we can endure knowing that he will work everything together for good, and that his plans for us are good (Rom. 8:28, Jer. 29:11). We know that we have a God who specializes in redemption. There is no pit so deep that he cannot redeem. There is nothing he cannot use for good.

After Hurricane Katrina, I went down to the Gulf on 2 separate mission trips to help with the clean up efforts. I met people who had been traumatized beyond words. Some had lost family members, and all of their worldly possessions. Their homeowners insurance did not cover their losses, because they did not have flood insurance. I went because my heart had been broken as I watched the sheer anguish of it all on television after the storm. When I arrived, I saw multitudes of children dealing with PTSD and was even more broken. Yet, over the course of that week as God’s people came in by the hundreds, I saw God’s redemption at work. Children who would have grown up in violent, poverty stricken neighborhoods were relocated to better areas. Churches adopted and helped whole families get a fresh start in life. I saw multitudes of volunteers showering traumatized children with healing love, and some of them were eternally changed as a result of that awful storm.

That is the power of our God. He can take the most horrible situations and use them for good, and the ultimate example of that is the cross. His great sacrifice on our behalf reconciled us to God when we were hopelessly alienated. Not only that, as he willingly emptied himself he experienced the worst of human suffering. The penalty for our rebellion was poured on him, and though we continue to live in a fallen world, we do not live without hope. Knowing that our creator would come down, take on vulnerable flesh and then fully pour himself out for us should change our hearts. Our response should be to surrender our all to the One who gave his all for us. It should fill us with gratitude and comfort to know that we are fully loved, and that even though we will suffer in this world, he has overcome it, so that whatever we experience here is only a shadow preparing us for his eternal joy.

For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Cor. 4:17-18)

When Evil Seems to Triumph

For by now I could have stretched out my hand and struck you and your people with a plague that would have wiped you off the earth. But I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth. (Ex. 9:15-16)

These words to pharaoh in the story of the exodus show that even when evil seems strong, God can use it for his purposes. It’s interesting that in the very beginning the Egyptian magicians could perform the same signs as Moses and Aaron, but it did not take long for that to change as Moses’ signs began to overpower the magicians’. Even so, pharaoh refused to soften his heart. He continued to set himself up as god, and refused to bow to the one true God. As the plagues increased in intensity, he began to feign repentance, but as soon as the plague reversed he backed out of his promise to let the children of Israel go. After living with abuse for 23 years, I recognized that dynamic very well.

Two things are noteworthy here. As God stated above, he could have wiped out the entire nation and delivered his people, but he did not. Just like there were times I really wished God would have just removed my abuser entirely from my life, but he did not. Second, Moses relays the message to pharaoh that he was sovereign over nothing, instead he was merely raised up to show God’s power and might. Pharaoh was doing everything in his power to hang onto control, and God was using his pathetic efforts to reveal his own. This is what I had to learn as I continued to struggle for my freedom those years ago. I was the one giving my abuser power by continuing to fear him more than God. Once I let go and put things in his hands, I realized that God had used the struggles for my good.

During the final plagues, we see that many of the Egyptians feared God, and heeded Moses’ warnings. Others did not. Even in judgment, God showed mercy to those honored him. By the time the Israelites left, they were loaded down with riches given to them by the Egyptians. God actually used pharaoh’s hardness of heart to reveal his power and goodness. It’s interesting that when God called Moses and Aaron to lead the people out of Egypt, it did not happen quickly or easily. Instead they faced many obstacles; even counterfeit miracles by the Egyptians. Just because they were called did not mean an end to struggles. In fact, it seemed to increase them.

Many times, we believe that just because God has called us to do something, he is going to pave the way, and make it smooth sailing for us. Instead we often face greater trials. However, he uses these difficulties so that his power and his name “might be proclaimed in all the earth.” God did not just reach the hearts of the Israelites with these displays. Many Egyptians came to honor him as well. If he had just wiped the nation out, that would not have happened. If he had wiped out my abuser, I would never know Him like I do now. God always has redemptive purposes in mind, especially when it seems that evil is strong. He uses bad things for his good purposes, and to cause people to come to know him. There is nothing more precious in this life.

“What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ” (Ph. 3:8).

Lord, help me to never become discouraged when bad things happen, and never to lose hope when evil seems to triumph over good. Remind me that your redemptive purposes are always being accomplished even in the midst of suffering and evil. You will show your goodness to those who choose to seek you, and you work all things together for good for those who love you. I am so blessed to be your child. Amen

Revolutionized Quiet Times!

I hate to admit it, but in the past few years the bible study part of my quiet time has become a chore for me. I love spending time in worship and I love writing out my prayers along with the answers I perceive in my heart (many that come straight from the Word), but I have become completely bogged down when it comes to bible study. Maybe it’s because of all my seminary training– I think I have to do a formal exegesis of every passage. Maybe it’s because of some of the intensive discipleship classes I’ve done. One even had us diagraming every sentence like I did in 9th grade English class. Bottom line is that somewhere along the line, my formal time in the Word became too formal, and lost its life. Sure I have found myself completely blessed by passages of scripture in spite of myself. He has continued to use the Word hidden in my heart to speak to me regularly, but recently I realized that I have allowed myself to become legalistic about studying the bible. God forbid! There’s nothing I hate more than legalism. I have to say that lately he has been breathing fresh grace into my life in every area, so I’m so glad that he is shining the light on this area now. Yes, there are times for intensive study, but I do not think that should the basis of our daily quiet time.

Recently, I was introduced to the book Divine Mentor by Wayne Cordeiro. It was exactly what I needed. Cordeiro says that rather than trying to analyze every verse its better to ask God to give you just one scripture or one thought that you can carry away for the day. It’s a lesson I’ve been learning in business. When I have team meetings, I realize that if I try to give my folks too much info, they seem overloaded and the meetings are not that productive. A business coach suggested I stick to one main topic, and since I started that things are much better. It makes great sense to approach scripture in a similar fashion, with the heart attitude of “What do you want to teach me today Lord?” Since I have been doing it, he has been faithful to show me something special every day. I always tell people that scripture is God’s love letter to us, and as such we need to seek something from God’s heart for us daily. Again, I am not putting down intensive study! Failing to learn about the background or context of a book can be a dangerous thing. You should study the Bible intensely, but not to the point that you lose your passion. So for me, this approach is a breath of fresh air. I am going to my Heavenly Father seeking fresh bread for the day, and I am no longer getting bogged down. It fits the idea of a quiet time much better, because it’s part of my special time with God. I no longer feel obligated to exegete every passage, but rather I am seeking my Father’s heart. I am taking the exegesis out of my quiet times unless the Lord prompts me otherwise. I can’t tell you what a blessing and a relief doing it this way has become for me.

Cordeiro uses the acronym SOAP– Scripture, Observation, Application, & Prayer as a guide for this method. He suggests you journal the lesson you get each day. Here is how mine looked today. Note: I had one main thought rather than one verse of scripture, but that happens most days for me. Hopefully, if you’re feeling the same way, this approach will help you revitalize your scripture study too.

Scripture— Genesis 41

When two full years had passed, Pharaoh had a dream (41:1)

Then the chief cupbearer said to Pharaoh, “Today I am reminded of my shortcomings. (41:9)

Pharaoh said to Joseph, “I had a dream, and no one can interpret it. But I have heard it said of you that when you hear a dream you can interpret it.” “I cannot do it,” Joseph replied to Pharaoh, “but God will give Pharaoh the answer he desires.” (41:15-16)

So Pharaoh said to Joseph, “I hereby put you in charge of the whole land of Egypt.” (41:41) 

Observation: It seemed as though Joseph’s suffering continued because of people. First, he had been betrayed and sold into slavery because of his brothers’ jealousy, and then he was falsely accused and imprisoned because of Potiphar’s wife. Even after he had proven himself by interpreting the dream of pharaoh’s cupbearer, he continued to be unjustly imprisoned, because the cupbearer got released and forgot him. It seemed as though people were in control of Joseph’s fate. However, what if Joseph had been released 2 years earlier? What if he had not been sold into slavery, and what if he had not been imprisoned? He would not have been available to pharaoh when he had his dreams. God’s timing was perfect, even though it seemed that people were jerking Joseph around. If he had never been sold, his whole family would have perished in the famine. If he had not been in pharaoh’s prison at the time of his dreams, he would not have been able to help save the whole region. The interesting thing is that during his time, he never lost his faith in God. Perhaps the trials even strengthened it. When pharaoh gave him credit for knowing how to interpret dreams, he was quick to turn the credit back to God. He could do nothing, but God would.

Application: Joseph could have easily become bitter and angry with God during this time. After all, many injustices had occurred. He had every right to be upset. His circumstances just weren’t fair, but he continued to entrust himself to God. As it turns out, God’s timing was perfect. Joseph did not get puffed up with pride about the injustices, but he turned to God. This verse comes to mind. “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time” (1 Pet. 5:6). God’s due time is rarely when we think it should be. One of my pastors once said, “I have never known God to be early, but I’ve also never known him to be late.” His timing is always perfect, and we must trust that in his time he will use everything for his good intentions (Gen. 50:20). Many times in my life I have questioned why bad things have happened. I have wished I could go back and do something differently so the outcome would be different. I have wished that I could control it all. I have lamented that people were jerking me around, and yet when I look back, I see very clearly how God was using it for good in my life. No, being abused was not good. Being betrayed by loved ones was not good, but as I entrusted myself to God in each situation, he was so faithful to use all the bad for good. I have a relationship with him that I wouldn’t trade for the entire world. He has been completely faithful in it all. When I look back at the worst of times, they were also the best of times spiritually. Jesus held me and spoke to my wounded heart in the most awful circumstances. Those experiences have been amazing tutors that have worked together for good in my life, and in the lives of those God sends my way (Rom. 8:28). I have learned to stop asking why these days, and instead ask, “God, what do you want to teach me in this?” He always shows me, and in due time, he always lifts me back up. What an amazing God we serve!

Prayer: Oh sweet Lord, how I thank you that your ways are higher than mine! I thank you that even when I cannot see any good in a given situation, your plans cannot be thwarted, and you will work it together for good in your perfect timing. I do not have to stress. I do not have to become indignant when people seem to be treating me unfairly, or when circumstances don’t seem fair. I can trust you! You are utterly faithful, and you see the whole picture. Thank you for always being right on time! Amen

I Surrender!

Good morning sweet Lord, how I love You! This morning I come to You and empty myself before the day begins. For me to live is Christ; to die is gain. This morning I crucify my agendas, my desires and anything else that is not from You. If You are not in it, I do not want it. I know that Your plans for me are so much better than any I have for myself, and nothing compares to the joy of being in the center of your will. So I come to you as an empty vessel, that I might be useful for your kingdom. Lord, You know that my deepest desires are in You, so please let me move in the direction of the desires You have placed in me. I praise You so much for the breakthrough You gave me after I surrendered everything to You the other day. I guess all the worry and striving was a sure sign I had not surrendered everything, so today and every day from now on, my desire is to come to You daily and empty myself. Lord, that is what You did. Even though You existed in the form of God, You emptied yourself and took on the form of a servant. Jesus, You lived in complete surrender to the Father. That is my greatest desire. Help me stay emptied, and give me ears to hear your voice! I don’t even want my own way, so there is nothing to strive about! I know I have physical needs, and I guess I get stressed about that. I let those needs become a desire that overshadows my deeper desire. When I let that happen, I am definitely not living by faith! Forgive me. Check my spirit as soon as that happens Lord. Please don’t let me entertain those negative, faithless thoughts! Take me and use me for your kingdom precious Lord! Amen

Dear daughter, you are mine. I will be faithful to finish the work I have begun in you (Ph.1:6). I know that these refining fires are not easy, but the final result will be a vessel of greater use for my kingdom. You have discovered the key to victory—that is complete surrender. That is the point where I step in and move. Until you let go of your fears and desire to be in control, I will not take over. I will not force you to surrender; you must do it willingly. It brings joy to my heart when you finally come to the end of yourself, the end of your striving, and surrender your need to control everything. Now step back and watch me work on your behalf. Your job now is to simply be obedient to my leading. I will lead you by still waters and restore your soul. I will cause you to triumph and manifest the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Me everywhere you go (2 Co. 2:14). As long as you stay in this place of surrender, there is no limit to what will be accomplished. Just watch and see. I love you child.

Tapping the Power Source

Lord, I am just a mess. It seems like I have developed technology-induced ADD in my old age. My mind won’t stop wandering, and too much of that is tied to worry. I know better! There is no excuse for allowing myself to entertain worry. I know the answer, and though the spirit is willing, the flesh is surely weak. I need your help! It seemed so much easier to turn to You in my moments of need when I was a younger Believer, or even during times of major crisis. Right now it’s just a matter of dealing with the challenge of stepping out on faith and feeling like maybe I missed You. I find myself doubting my calling. I know the answer is to stop and spend time in your presence, but the concerns of this world just seem to be screaming at me. They can be all consuming. However, I don’t want them to be! I want to be consumed with You!!!! And I believe that if I could quiet my anxious soul long enough, and enter your presence more regularly; You would guide my footsteps to handle earthly concerns better. I need to stop allowing them to hold me down.

It’s so hard living in this world! It’s a constant struggle. I imagine You allow these struggles to keep me dependent on You, and I know I need to stop looking at other people wishing I could have the ease and blessings they seem to have. Forgive me for that. I only want what You have for me. I have this vision I thought You put in my heart, but with all the responsibilities weighing on me I can’t see it happening. Sometimes I think that maybe I am just going in the wrong direction altogether.  Show me Lord! I am willing to walk away from my endeavors. I don’t want to be wasting time! It is too precious! I want to walk in what You have for me, not some pipe dream I manufactured. Everything is so difficult right now. Nothing is falling into place, so all I can say is that I need for You to show me if I am working against You. I’m really clueless as to what other direction I could take. So Father, I ask You to help me to make the most of my time. Help me to dwell in your presence, and to be directed by your Spirit. Only You can direct my steps so that I’m not spinning my wheels. Teach me Lord, and in spite of me, use me! Don’t let me get so caught up in worldly responsibilities that I fail to live each moment for your kingdom purposes. Help me to find the balance I need! Lord, I am desperate! Please come and overcome me with your Spirit! I give You permission, I invite You. Please don’t leave this to me. I am so stuck without divine intervention! Come now Lord Jesus! Amen

Dear child, striving in your own power will only keep you trapped. It is not by your might or power, but by my Spirit that this mountain will be overcome (Zec. 4:6). You can not muster it up. When the disciples received the Holy Spirit they were waiting on Me. Can you wait one hour with Me? You live in a society that thrives on instant gratification, but that is not my way. I have promised that if you seek Me, you will find Me– when you seek Me with all of your heart (Jer. 29:13). This means that though you have to live in and toil in this world, you must not allow any of your worldly pursuits steal your affections from Me. Empty yourself daily before Me, and see what I will do. I can only fill vessels that have been emptied. Release your desires to Me. Surrender them all to Me dear child. I am able to use all you entrust to Me for your good. I will release my power in your life when you release everything to Me– every care, every concern, and every desire. Let them all go dear child, and I will meet you there. I will empower you with my Spirit. In your weakness, run to my loving arms and rest in the warmth of my embrace. That is where you will find the strength you need. There is immeasurable power in my love.

Let go of the things the world sees as important, and realize I treasure you, not what you have to offer. Abide in my love, because that is what is most important. Yes, I know you share my values, but still the world has more influence than you realize. You have not completely overcome the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and the pride of life (1 Jn. 2:16). These refining fires are intended to help you see that. Trust in my loving plan dear one. I will not disappoint you. You have a glorious inheritance in Me, and I have made the immeasurable greatness of my power available to you. It is the same power that raised Christ from the dead (Ep. 1:19-20). Surely, it it sufficient to overcome these temporary problems. I will never leave or forsake you, so trust in Me, abide in Me, and let Me carry those burdens. In finding that place of quietness and trust, you will find your strength (Is. 30:15). 

“It is not for you to know times or periods that the Father has set by His own authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come on you, and you will be My witnesses…” (Acts1:7-8).Who will you compare Me to, or who is My equal?” asks the Holy One. Look up and see: who created these? He brings out the starry host by number; He calls all of them by name. Because of His great power and strength, not one of them is missing. Why do you say, and why do you assert: “My way is hidden from the Lord, and my claim is ignored by my God”? Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the whole earth. He never grows faint or weary; there is no limit to His understanding. He gives strength to the weary and strengthens the powerless. Youths may faint and grow weary, and young men stumble and fall, but those who trust in the Lord will renew their strength; they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not faint. (Is. 40:26-31)

“Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.” (Jn. 15:4-5)

 Ascribe strength to God; His majesty is over Israel and His strength is in the skies. O God, You are awesome from Your sanctuary. The God of Israel Himself gives strength and power to the people. Blessed be God! (Ps. 68:34-35)